How strange.

I've just had a mail. It's been sent around everybody at work. Subject : Mandatory face-fit testing.

I am not joking here. It's official.

Anyone care to guess what's going on?
I don't suppose you use or need respirators or gas masks at work?
Very good. I don't, but clearly some people do. I was a little alarmed until I read the whole message.
As long as it's not "nose to crevice"

Urgh. Thankfully not.

I tend a couple of light microscopes, a darkbox with a lowlight camera, and various associated computers, but nothing involving respirators. I'm a little underemployed.
Your MD is running an international arms smuggling organisation using your premises as cover. They are trying to locate suitable body-doubles should the black helicoptors turn up.
It would explain a lot. The amount of kit going from here to Germany and back, for a start.
At least it didn't say "Mandatory face-hugger testing"!
With or without the throat proboscis? I'd need to know that before I agreed.
Ewww... well, you weren't doing a faeces-fit test -- though perhaps next week as part of their random drugs testing?
You're being informed about the COSHH recommendations for use of breathing aparatus equipment and respirators?
Do you have anything that requires formaldehyde fumigation? They are required for that.
Not to my knowledge, but I suppose we must have something along those lines somewhere if the subject's come up.
They're on to you Graham. Best to flee while you still can.
They're going to be serving such lethal curries in the canteen that wearing a respirator will become mandatory in the afternoons.